As ising means simply saying what is in the room right now and how you are feeling. It takes a bit of courage, but it saves a lot of energy, because the others are usually thinking the same thing.
An hour into the ICE from Stuttgart to Essen. Laptop in front of me, and no idea what I could inspire you with in my blog this time. Yes, I’m stressed. Why? Three days at the convention of the German Speakers Association (GSA). Days full of input, lots of conversations, self-promotion and nights full of parties. I’m tired. I want to enjoy a relaxed train ride home. And just as I’ve settled into my compartment with my coffee, the thought shoots through my head: my column for IT-Spektrum is due. Tomorrow. Ta-da! Bye-bye, relaxation. Hello, stuck.
Primal Fears
There. I feel better now. Freer. Calmer. And the writing starts to flow again. We do this far too rarely: say what is going on and how we are doing. I mean really say how we are doing. Instead, we’re busy keeping up our role and leave the “professional” mask on. After all, what might the others think if I admit that I don’t know something or can’t do it right now? That triggers our deepest primal patterns: losing face. Fear of criticism, rejection and exclusion. Sadly, this doesn’t just eat up a lot of personal energy, it also produces some pretty strange results that we all know too well from everyday work: meetings full of excuses, dodges, empty phrases without substance or solution. Smoldering conflicts, silence, odd looks in the office kitchen. Pretextual “arguments” in dailies, review meetings and the like.
As Ising: Addressing the Pink Elephant
We underestimate how clarifying and how good it feels to simply say what is in the room and how we feel right now. In trainings, workshops and consulting, we call this “as ising”: simply naming what is. The exciting part is that the others usually have the same thought or a similar perception and are grateful when someone says it.
My lovely wife recently told me about a parents’ evening at school: an unbearably long-winded procedure to elect the class parent council. Standard routines. My wife had a different topic burning on her mind: the “working hours” of the kids from grade 10 on. With 8 to 10 lessons lasting until 3, 4 or 5 pm, they get a lunch break of just 20 minutes. From noon on, there are only 5 minutes between subjects. She brought it up. The topic was brushed off as unchangeable, the moderator moved on, nobody said a word. Afterward, outside, feedback from several parents: “Thanks for saying that. That was the most important topic of the evening. I see it exactly the same way.”
Overthinking Wastes Time in Everyday Business
It’s actually crazy how many resources this wastes in all the meetings, discussions, Zoom calls and conversations. People beat around the bush and retreat into standard routines, anything to avoid addressing the pink elephant. And the meter for cost and effort keeps running.
Sure, it takes courage and nerve to address things. And sometimes it doesn’t work. I catch myself too, feeling the impulse and then not raising my hand, not saying anything. But I don’t want to let myself off the hook, so I practice, practice, practice. Because I believe “as ising” can become part of an appreciative, solution-oriented attitude, and that’s something we can all get better at.
So go ahead and say what’s in the room anyway, and be amazed how the issue resolves itself. I’m going to relax for the rest of this train ride.
